I breathe and bolt my door To forgive and forget is to let loose And live till I fall down stairs, Backwards over and over again Till my mother breaks a sweat and swears over the speaker. Tanned boy and translucent girl, Taking the trip and stripped from your suit, Shaking but not making any sound. My head is welcoming But I remember to forget More than I want to. I am and I will be, Being before the after is over. And my feelings jar and juxtapose The position of where my life is at the moment. I'm not healthy or wealthy And I do not want to be For the life of me. This is what fun looks like And what looks like fun Is where the breaks in the ice Are like branches across the sky. Laying on my back being blinded By the sun on Sunday, Beware of all the good goons And professional soothers That are trying to swoon the students. I stare at my hands And they are callous beyond belief And the skin is peeling off in the mirror. I have felt like a winner, Even as a beginner And a litter of drips flip And utter poles across the space between us. As wishes become kisses On midnight skips to the water, I wonder if all the smiles in the world Will heal those that smile. Silence is a mandate Of where your cheap burning desires Inspire misfit apprehension And blinding flight Across searing hot escape routes That always lead back To where you ran from. That is where you belong, To brighten the furthest reaches Of sadness that will not quell the urge to create. You are the what and why. You are infinite when you are inspiring others, Till you are no more But more is breaking even And even you will be breaking at some point, Even the infinite becomes a lost memory. I'd cry before everyone Just so that my sober mind releases secrets to the stars. I defy the expectation Of insinuation that I am No more than I am right now.